Attention: gating, choking, and pushing your reader's attention

by Heath Sledge


I've been thinking a lot about how writing resembles picking pockets.  

I used to make my writing classes watch this video of famous pickpocket Apollo Robbins explaining how he directs his victim's attention to where he wants it (and away from where he doesn't want it, like your wallet).

Turns out that attention is almost like a liquid: it can only be in one place at a time, and it can be directed. The principles behind Robbins' abilities are the same as the principles of good writing and editing (although obviously the methods of directing that attention flow differ). 

Readerly attention can be gated (stopped completely), choked (the attention channel is narrowed, slowing the flow of comprehension), and pushed (the floodgates are opened wide and the attention tumbles ahead breathlessly). 

Generally, when readerly attention is gated, it's by mistake. These are often errors that bring your reader to a halt, forcing them to read and re-read a sentence in order to make sense of it. For especially sensitive readers, even a misspelling or a grammatical error stop attention from moving forward. This is rarely a good thing; each stop causes the reader to doubt the author's credibility a little more, and at some point most readers will simply walk away.

Choking the reader's attention can be done deliberately or accidentally. When deliberately done, it's a useful element of pacing in both fictional and nonfictional narratives. (See, for example, Eric Hayot's work on the shape of paragraphs and sections, and the peaks and valleys of attention created by those shapes, in humanities writing.) When it's done by accident, you risk slowing the reader down in spots where she should forge ahead. Several things can cause this. Multiple shifts of sentences' grammatical subjects within a single paragraph slow down your reader; besides violating one of my most cherished of Joseph Williams' style principles, this forces the reader to do the work of figuring out how these seemingly disconnected sentences link up. (This is so, so common in literature reviews.) Another slowing device is using very long sentence and clause units, which are difficult to parse. Generally, the longer and more complex the syntactical unit, and the more complicated its relation to other parts of the sentence, the more slowly the reader moves through it.

Pushing the reader's attention forward can also be accomplished in many ways—punctuation affects it (breathless-sounding sentences, separated by few full stops and employing lots of connecting devices like dashes and commas, pull the reader's attention along with them), and these are usually intentionally used by authors. Sometimes short sentences do it. You can also keep the reader's attention speeding along the surface of the stuff you want them to pay attention to by "shadowing"  any information that you do not want spotlighted. Anything in subordinated parts of the sentence—which clauses, parentheticals, etc.—is treated as less weighty. By putting less-important information in grammatically subordinated elements of the sentence, you can help the reader know what to pay attention to and what they can safely skim.

These techniques are difficult to articulate, but I think this is one of my greatest strengths as an editor. I can intuit what ideas or elements are crucial to your piece (thank you, decade of graduate school in literary studies, for making me a freakishly sensitive reader) and then shape the prose's pace to shadow the details and highlight the central bits. I love helping authors de-emphasize the things that don't matter and focus the reader's attention on the essential elements. 


Wordsmiths and storysmiths

by Heath Sledge


I read two great articles this morning (Steven Pressfield's "Wordsmiths and Storysmiths" and John McPhee's "Omission (What to Leave Out)"—go read them, I'll wait).

 

I realized that the best editors of fiction and creative nonfiction (the ones who helped McPhee see what to leave out) are those who are not only talented wordsmiths, but talented storysmiths. 

 

I need to pay more attention to my own "lunatic elf" and develop this skill. It might not seem relevant to academic writing, but we also must trust our readers enough to give them elbow room, to give them the pleasure of discovery. It's a fine line.


Transitional thinking about transitional sentences.

by Heath Sledge


I was working on a (fascinating!) book last week, and it started me thinking about transitional sentences--how we use them, what they're for, and why we might misplace them.

The general rule is to place transitional sentences at the beginning of the paragraph they're transitioning toward. This gives your reader a bridge into new material by greasing the slide with the old, familiar material. It also offers a bit of a recap of prior material, which helps your reader orient themselves within the larger structure of the piece: a kind of implicit signpost. And it helps the reader see the connection between the two paragraphs; while there is an implicit connection made simply by virtue of their proximity and juxtaposition, laying out how the two sets of ideas connect in that first sentence helps strengthen the connection in the reader's mind.

But you could do all these things with transitional sentences placed at the end of the paragraph you're transitioning away from. Why don't we do this?

 

Well, sometimes we do--in writing, form follows function, and sometimes this is a perfectly fine idea. But more often, sticking a transitional sentence at the end of a paragraph damages your pace and your reader's sense of satisfaction. As George Gopen and Joseph Williams have pointed out, the last sentence of a paragraph is a position of strong structural emphasis. To fill that position with a sentence that leans forward makes your reader rush into the next paragraph; it snatches away from your reader the moment of pause, the exhale that should naturally occur with a sense of closure achieved.

More problematically, putting the transitional sentence in this position also upstages the material that deserves that emphatic close: the capper sentence. Whatever form your capper takes (a summary of what went before, a clever play on words, or a mind-expanding gesture to another, larger idea), it deserves its own spotlight. Don't let the transitional sentence--an ensemble player by nature--step into that spot.  


Beach reading...

by Heath Sledge


I'm taking The Copyeditor's Handbook with me to the beach for a little light reading this week. (Don't worry, I'm also taking my Kindle, loaded to the gills with goofy mysteries.) 

If there's one thing a Ph.D. in English ruins for you (besides your waistline and your finances), it's your concept of light reading.

Happy August!